Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
