The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
