we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
