what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
