Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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