I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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