Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
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