The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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