And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Randomize
