dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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