i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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