do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
