More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
