Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
