so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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