Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
