mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
