I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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