I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
