I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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