Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
