The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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