I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
