My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
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