I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
