sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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