I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
