Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
