I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
