There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
