I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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