Will you blow on my dice?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
