While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
