quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
