I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
