if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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