brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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