i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
