And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I need to sanitize my soul.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
