You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
