I puked a lego.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
