It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
