I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Randomize
