Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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