he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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