I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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