Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
