It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
