I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
