Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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